A guy is sitting in a bar talking to his hand. The bartender asks him what he’s doing and the guy says, “I’m using the telephone.” The bartender looks at him as if he’s crazy and says, “No, you aren’t, you are just talking in your hand.” The guy says, “No, I really am having [...]
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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food.” the poor man [...]
Couple was going out for the evening. They’d gotten ready, all dolled-up , dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don’t want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the [...]
Make sure A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My [...]
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, [...]
If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete” and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”! If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”. Hit “any key” to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To [...]
The Best “Out-Of-Office” E-Mail Auto-Replies: 1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. 2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you. 3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was [...]
