A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time. The father and son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator. “What’s that Paw?” The boy asked. “I ain’t never did see nothin’ like that in my life” Replied the father. Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the [...]
Two Doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. “She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.” said one doctor. “Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!” The [...]
There are three women stranded on an island. One is brunette, one’s a redhead, and the other one is a blonde. There is land in sight. “I have an idea!” the redhead says. “We can swim there!” So the redhead jumps into the water, swims 1/4 of the way, and drowns. The brunette says, “I’m [...]
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you’d least expect to find it. 4. When the going [...]
SMART ANSWER #5 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. “What are my choices?” John asked. “Yes or no,” she replied. SMART ANSWER #4 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she [...]
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting. ‘What’s up?’ she asks. ‘I think I’m having a heart attack,’ cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just [...]
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells [...]
A guy is sitting in a bar talking to his hand. The bartender asks him what he’s doing and the guy says, “I’m using the telephone.” The bartender looks at him as if he’s crazy and says, “No, you aren’t, you are just talking in your hand.” The guy says, “No, I really am having [...]
