Fwdemails.com

Here it is.

And this is how you use it!!

ADULT :
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR :
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL :
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS :
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE :
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST :
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST :
Someone me-deep in conversation

GOSSIPER :
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF :
Cold Storage.

INFLATION :
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO :
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN :
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET :
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON :
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE :
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW :
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN :
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES :
Something other people have. You have character lines.

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.

‘What’s up?’ she asks.

‘I think I’m having a heart attack,’ cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, ‘Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your wardrobe and she’s got no clothes on!’

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.

‘You rotten hussy,’ she screams. ‘My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her.

Adam began to ask questions about her.

Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?

God: So you will always want to look at her.

Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?

God: So you will always want to touch her.

Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?

God: So you will always want to be near her.

Adam: That’s wonderful Lord, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but why
did you make her so stupid?

God: So she would love you!!

Running stop light = $100.00
DUI = $5000.00
Not wearing a seat belt = $50.00
Putting you & your girlfriend’s photo on your fake driver’s license = PRICELESS

1. Follow these steps and see if you can figure this out.

1) Get a brown, cardboard box.
2) Get purple, orange, and turquoise paints.
3) Paint the box orange.
4) Paint on purple spots.
5) Paint on turquoise stripes.
7) Turn it upside down.
Lie on your side.

What is missing from this sequence?

2. What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat?

3. In a country, there are over 100 streets. Street 1 is named First Street, street 2 is named Second Street, and so on and so forth.

A traveller decides to walk through all these streets in the country. He could find all the streets except Street 62. No matter how hard he tried, he could not find it.

He later found that the locals had given the street another name.

What is the name?

Scroll Down for answers..

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1.  Step 6 is missing.

2. CHICAGO

3/7 of Chicken is Chi

2/3 of Cat is Ca

2/4 of Goat is Go

3. Minute street. Sixty Second street = minute street

Batman Airport, Turkey

Useless Loop Airport, Australia

Mafia Airport, Tanzania

Moron Airport, Mongolia

Ogle Airport, Guyana

Brest Airport, France

Eek Airport, US

Black Tickle Airport, Canada

Pickle Lake Airport, Canada

Raspberry Strait Airport, US

Airports that may offend

Old Crow Airport, Canada

Fukui Airport, Japan

Gaylord Airport, US

Pratt Airport, US

Shafter Airport, US

Dang Airport, Nepal

Ponce Airport, Puerto Rico

Fort Dix Airport, US

Tsili Tsili Airport, Papua New Guinea

Fak Fak Airport, US

Airports you may prefer not to fly to

Red Devil Airport, US

Asbestos Hill Airport, Canada

Deception Airport, Canada

Bloodvein Airport, Canada

Slave Lake Airport, Canada

Broken Hill Airport, Australia

Rifle Airport, US

Deadhorse Airport, US

Danger Bay Airport, US

Colon Airport, Panama

Strange sounding airports

Woodie Woodie Airport, Australia

Wee Waa Airport, Australia

Wagga Wagga Airport, Australia

Wuhu Airport, China

Gorom-Gorom Airport, Burkina Faso

Xingning Airport, China

Puka Puka Airport

Kar Kar Airport, Papua New Guinea

Muko-Muko Airport, Indonesia

Flin Flon Airport, Canada