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Spread the Stupidity

Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ……do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ……….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

Only in America …..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER …
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!” She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m an honest loyal wife, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

Year : 1975
Situation : Last day of school

Arjun Singh and Pargat Singh are very close friends. The whole school talked about their friendship. They had been friends right from their kindergarten days. They have studied together, roamed around together, sat together in school, ate together.

They both wanted to become Police officials and serve the country.But today was a day they always dreaded. It was their last day together.

On their way back from School Arjun started talking

Arjun : Bro! I am moving to a different city to study. I will miss you man
Pargat: I will miss you too mate. But nothing can break our friendship. We will at least meet once every year.
Arjun: Yes that is a deal and they parted with tears in their eyes…

As time went by, both got busy with their work life. They kept their promise for two years and after that they moved on with their own lives and in the process Arjun lost his contact with Pargat. Time went by and both became Police Officers.

Year: 2009

Venue: The Police station where Arjun works

Tring… Tring…

Arjun picks up the call and he gets a pleasant surprise…

“Is this Arjun?”

“Yes. Who is on the line?”

” Bro. Its Pargat! I just found out that you are posted in this station”

Tear drops welled up Arjun’s eyes

Arjun: Where are you?
Pargat: I am standing outside the Police station. Come Out
Arjun: Is it? I am coming right away.

Arjun rushed out of the Police station and saw Pargat standing outside. They were seeing each other for the first time after thirty years. He wanted to go and hug his friend. But he could not hug his friend. It was a very touching moment for both of them :

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A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing ‘That’s horrible!’

Confused, he says, ‘Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and,there is that risk involved.’

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, ‘How many is a Brazilian?’

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. “Pfufffff and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.”Pfufffff and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back right now .” Pfuffff ……….:p

Lesson :- ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST

“Luigi,” the father says to his son, ‘I want you to marry a girl of my choice.’

Son says: ‘I will choose my own bride!’

Luigi says: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’ daughter.’

Son answers: ‘Well, in that case, ok’

Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates and says, ‘I have a husband for your daughter.’

Bill Gates answers, ‘But my daughter is too young to marry!’

Luigi says, ‘But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.’

Bill Gates answers, ‘Ah, in that case, ok.’

Finally Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Luigi says, ‘I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.’

President answers, ‘But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!’

Luigi says, ‘But this young man is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.’
President answers: ‘Ah, in that case, ok.’

And that, my friends, is how Italians do business.